A Fish Who Floats

We have six fish. We were not going to name them, because if you name anything then you feel bad if it dies (that's my theory, anyway, and I hate feeling bad when a fish dies). But hubby prevailed, and we named the first five after the Deutero-canonical books: Sirach, Tobit, Judith, Baruch, and Big Mac (I Maccabees). The second summer these five spent outdoors in a fountain hubby built, two more appeared. We named them Little Mac (II Maccabees) and Wisdom. When we brought them indoors for the winter, Wisdom got "ick" and died (could be a sad commentary on modern life, but I'm not going there).

Our fish watching TV - really (Mac is in the center)

One of our fish, Big Mac, is quirky. Okay, strange. He started out bright orange, but then after a year lost all his color, so now he's kind of a sickly white. Some time ago hubby got a little worried (can you tell my husband is the fish person?) because Big Mac didn't seem quite right - he kept bobbing up to the top of the aquarium, as if he couldn't keep himself down in the water. But after keeping an eye on him for months, we have finally decided that he just likes it. He swims with the other fish to eat, and moves around just fine. But he likes to sleep - or rest, or whatever fish do - upside down at the top of the aquarium. It looks like he is dead, really, but then he'll move a little, or get into the jet stream of the filter and just bounce around. Weird fish.

I have some sympathy for this bland-colored, different fish. I wonder what the real-life consequences of being so different would be, if he (or she, we really don't know) was not in the safety of the aquarium. If the other fish were not forced to keep company with him, would they leave him alone? Would he be ostracized? Hubby is going to move them into the fountain again soon, and we are wondering if Big Mac will get picked off by a heron or something as he's floating on the surface. Or maybe he only floats indoors.

It is hard to be different. I feel it myself, some days than others. It depends a great deal on the context: am I with people who love me no matter what? Or am I in a crowd of strangers and they all sound smarter, act cooler and seem more together than I am? Am I surrounded by people who share my spiritual passion and understand my journey or am I with people who are uncomfortable just hearing the word "Catholic" spoken out loud?

I suspect that everybody feels different sometimes. We are so diverse as humans that the only way to not ever feel different would be to never move outside a safe circle of friends and relatives. And I suppose some people want to and are able to do that. I have read that some people move overseas and then built cultural enclaves in gated communities so they never have to encounter the host culture. Other people avoid engaging in conversations that might reveal opposing points of view. What's the fun in that?

Human diversity is a marvelous gift of God's creation, even if it causes us to struggle sometimes. But the struggle is part of the gift, because it helps us figure out who we are, who we want to be, and how we want to be to other people. We are all quirky, after all. Maybe even a little strange.